25 Things You May Not Know About Me

• Country music is my first love, but I also enjoy rock and old stuff, like Sinatra.
• My favorite sandwich is Chick fi lay's spicy chicken and my fav drink is their sweet tea.
• I have never broken a bone.
• My talents are cooking and cleaning.
• My hobbies are reading,writing, and working out.
• I have struggled with my weight since I was a preteen. My heaviest was 170lbs and it took me a year and a half to lose it. Even though I am now at a healthy weight, I am not happy with the way my skin looks after being that big. I get really sad about it sometimes and just want to hide my body. It makes me feel really insecure at times.
• I met my husband and my maid of honor within a few moths of each other and they have proved to be two of the best people I have invested my life in.
• My brothers lovingly nicknamed me "Sistal". (Crystal+Sister)
• I want a family with all of my heart. I babysat from age 11 to 17, from 7am to 7pm almost EVERYDAY. I swore I'd never have kids. Well my desires changed and I wouldn't mind  having 4+ kids. Not anytime soon but until the day comes I will always find away to be around kids, they brighten my life.
• My youngest brother Matthew is freakin amazing! He is very mature for his age and I have learned a great deal from him.
• I married into the coolest family ever!!
• Daniel Joucken is one of the only people who gets my humor. He always makes me feel loved and special when I am around him.
• David Joucken is someone I talk to often about anything and everything.
• 2010 was the hardest, most maturing year of my life, and I wouldn't trade that for anything.
• I enjoy spending time with people who are passionate about life.
• I want to lunge the kingwood college parking lot.
• I will not home school or shelter my kids. I will teach them the gospel without hiding them from the realities of life, and I will not alienate them from normal everyday life activities so that they will be moral and look good to people. They will always be told straight up truth.
• I have no Grandparents, the last of them died in 2010. I feel like a different person without them and I wish they were still here to be a part of my life.
• My hubby and I are part of an Acts 29 church. I have never seen christianity done this way. On Sunday mornings we meet in an music venue and as missionaries we have a beer with the locals. We actually spend time together becoming friends and don't just see people on Sunday. We are there for each other like family, if I need a place to stay, my bills  paid or a listening ear I know I could go to them like I would go to my family. Our focus is to love Christ and to glorify Him. We do that by following His example and that of the early church's as well.
• I have a thing for beards, and yes I think my husband's beard is sexy.
• Tomorrow Christopher Ryan Buck and I will be married a year!
• #26:p I got married young, put up with a lot and dished out a lot.That's okay because I've learned so much and I want to love and serve Chris for the rest of my life. He's my man and I want to celebrate with him and mourn with him. Doing life by his side, we'll have hard times and good times. With that said, it will be a worthwhile adventure.

Fighting My Dragons

My heart is heavy, my mind is clouded, and the passion inside of me is burning me alive. I have so many dragons I'm fighting. Bad self image, selfishness, ( oh the irony) lack of motivation, doubt, and trust to name a few.  I have caused so much injustice in the world just because of my own undisciplined decisions. It seems to be the main way I learn, the hard way. I am thankful that I have been able to learn from my mistakes. People who know me think I'm a perfect sweet girl with everyone else's best interest at heart. HAHA. Your wrong, I started out excited about Jesus but then started dishonoring Him with my decisions and lifestyle. So next time you think man she is so perfect, ask about my story. I will for sure disappoint you. People like to romanticize me, make my life and actions sound beautiful and my mistakes understandable. My life reflects my heart, it is full of filth and sin. With all of that said, dragons aren't pretty and killing them is a messy business. However, the joy you get from destroying them makes life a worth while adventure. The only way I have seen my filthy heart for what it is, has been God's law. The only way I have been strong enough to defeat any dragon that tries to rule my heart is Christ and His strength. If you are an agnostic reading this even you can agree that your selfishness has caused someone else pain and loss. So you know what I mean when I talk about dragons inside of us.

New Year

Today is three days away from 2011. 2010 has been so eye opening for me. First I had literally no game plan, and that is not normal for me. I usually have a top ten list of things to accomplish in the new year and sub goals to add to that. This year I had nothing of the sort. This actually freed my time up and gave me more time to build relationships. On the other hand, I have been quite lazy and have had practically no structure to my life. The consequences? Lots of undone projects, my priorities have been all over the place, and my relationship with Christ has suffered. I probably have spent the least amount of time studying my bible and praying than I have in years, or since I came to believe. I have spoke often about the Gospel to others, but that is about it. It has not put the best start to my marriage either, because without the gospel shaping my heart consistently I have become selfish and self destructive once again.  The thing is, I have been fighting a battle ever since I left the protection of my parents arms and started out on my own shaping and molding what my life is to be. It started with my first job at seventeen almost three years ago. Slowly but surely the "roses are falling off my glasses " so to  speak.                                                                                                                                                  My fairy tales are self-destructing right in front of me. What life was supposed to be is turning out not at all what life really is. I've fought those who've told me I lived in an imaginary world because to me these things seemed true. Then was the first broken heart, the first night I drove home alone with the weight of a bad decision on my shoulders with no one to talk to, because I would be rejected by the story tellers and would disappoint the ones who looked up to me. Faith can be so blind when you sugar coat the truth, so blind to where you loose the ones you have the power to help in order to  keep the story alive. I feel sorry for the story tellers. Then came the long nights of no sleep because I had to figure out what truth really was, then came the ones I looked up to most letting me down and abandoning me. I thought they would never abandon me, I thought making the right decision would be easy since I love Jesus, I thought the truth and lies would be completely distinguishable.Life is complex and I haven't even begun "life for dummies".  The truth is the ones I judged most had a better idea of what life is about than I did. I lived in a christian bubble away from pain, away from profanity, away from all the people who would "stain" my self-righteous clothes. But they are the people who started showing up in my life and being there for me. They have helped reveal to me what truth really is, and they didn't even realize it. But even so they disappoint me sometimes, and I disappoint them.  I realize now that I can talk all day, but if I'm all talk and no action I'm useless. I realize that I need other people in my life with various kinds of beliefs of their own to strengthen mine. We need each other to figure all of this out, and I am no longer closed minded, I'll listen to your heart and you can listen to mine.